I know what you’re all thinking about. Whether this is yet another piece about whether women can have it all. But in addressing the contention around that question, a lot of us in our generation seems to forego the essence of who we are as humans, as people and not just women. If that trend continues, I think the people it would hurt the most is, well of course – us. The women themselves.
Just like the age-old ‘taming of the shrew’ advocacy tried to instill in an earlier era, I think the modern push for moms to look a size zero, still be working and multitasking like a machine, has become a prerogative set by societal norms and the media. It is as oppressive as those expectations putting women in the kitchen and keeping their thighs tightly shut. I mean what is any outcome really worth if it does not involve choice? It might be packaged differently but still remains devoid of any real progression.
It’s always interesting for me to see how women seem to wait till a cloud floats over their marital bliss, to decide to turn into a feminista. Before that it’s all about keeping your thighs together, pleasing the in-laws and adopting the husband’s surname. It’s all about grace and ladylike behaviour. The moment there is trouble in paradise all of that somehow goes out the window and the collateral damage you ask? Of course the children. I honestly wish there was also a driving license to be issued out to prospective parents because a driver might be endangering the lives on the streets but parenting risks something much bigger, and continues to impact generations to come. A far more scary prospect, if you ask!
When a person decides to become a parent, I think elements like ego and self-interest needs to automatically move lower on the priority list. Because the child you produce is here because you and your partner at some point of a blissful marriage decided to bring them out. The child is not your private property to do away with however it pleases your current state of mind or swinging belief system. It is a lifelong commitment. It is severely unfair when parents starts playing god with their children and contributes to further identity crises in the most formative time of a child’s life. And then we wonder why we see so many school shooters and sociopaths running amok in almost every community around. Selfish parents often procreate a far worse version of themselves while fighting custody battles over their egos.
A tiny change in an adult’s life can impact a younger person’s impressionable phases in life, in fundamental ways. And sometimes it’s just nice being a kinder person to yourself and the ones you love than any kind of artificial show of strength. Sometimes real strength comes in a different package consisting of patience and integrity.